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2/2 “‘How did he get a name like Walker-Noles?’ asked Beth, making a face.” (19) That’s the big, pregnant question as we delve into the resolution of the mystery in The Hot-Line Emergency, the March 1990 sixteenth book in the Fabulous Five series, by Betsy Haynes. Readers who wish to avoid spoiling the ending should skip this second post. For most of the book, it seems like Christie’s friendzoned ex-boyfriend Jon Smith has to be the creeper making all the calls to the homework help hotline. He’s been acting odd, watching Christie from a distance in public, but most of all, there’s just a paucity of other suspects. Yet near the beginning, you’ll notice Kevin Walker-Noles noted as disappointed to be unable to help out the hotline, as he has to babysit his younger brother. Early enough to be forgotten about as the plot thickens, the Fabulous Five have a humorous discussion on his double surname. “‘How did he get a name like Walker-Noles?’ asked Beth, making a face. “‘That’s easy,’ volunteered Katie. ‘His mother’s maiden name was Walker, and his father’s name is Noles. Lots of couples do that.’ “ Beth frowned. ‘I know that, but I didn’t know their kids hyphenated their names, too.’ “‘Sometimes they do,’ said Christie. ‘But not very often.’ “Beth seemed to be thinking about it. “‘What’s wrong with that, Barry?’ asked Katie. ‘Why shouldn’t the child be named after both sides of the family? I might do that when I get married.’ “‘I’ll tell you what’s wrong with that,’ Melanie interjected. ‘Suppose you married Tony Calcaterra, and vour name became Shannon-Calcaterra.’ “‘So?’ responded Katie, turning pink at the mention of Tony’s name. “‘Well, what if you had a daughter and you named her Shannon-Calcaterra, too? If she married Jana and Randy Kirwan’s son, who would be a Morgan-Kirwan, then her name would be Shannon-Calcaterra-Morgan-Kirwan. Eeek! That would be terrible.’ “‘And the next generaton could be Shannon-Calcaterra-Morgan-Kirwan-Barry-Masterson-Edwards-Arrington. Whew ...’ Beth gasped for breath. ‘I can’t say it all.’ “‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ said Katie, her face turning redder. ‘That would never happen.’ “‘I don’t know, Katie,’ Christie teased. ‘Remember when we were tracing our ancestors, and Mrs. Clark said that if you went back to the year 1625, you would find you had sixteen thousand parents and grandparents? What you want to do could turn into something very serious. What if people couldn’t communicate with each other because they couldn’t finish saying hello?’ “Katie looked so totally frustrated with her friends that they couldn’t hold back their laughter any longer.” (19-20) “When we were tracing our ancestors” refers to the family history project Wakeman’s seventh graders did in the previous book, Melanie’s Identity Crisis. This is a great thematic follow-up. Had their ancestors called their children compound surnames, tracing their family trees would have been impossible! Katie, the designated feminist of the group, is annoyed at her pals poking fun at hyphenated names, but doesn’t have a good answer. It’s clear that feminism and egalitarianism, if applied to family names, would soon render history and heredity unreadable. Selfish attitude? This seems confirmed when the mystery resolves. Despite the care the caller takes in concealing his voice and any identifying information, and how he makes sure the authorities are informed before the blazes he set could get out of control, see how he slips up and gets caught on 86 and 99, alongside a shout-out to a then-recent Top Gun game for Nintendo, Haynes keeping up with the trends. Despite him thinking himself so smart, Kevin was bound to get found out sooner or later; he always called about seventh grade algebra problems, so all Christie had to do to clinch his conviction is pretend they were assigned the even problems, rather than the odds as usual, during their call on a day when Kevin couldn’t stay to the end of class, and only the guilty party had done the wrong homework. But as Christie explains to her friends afterward, the school and police “…called Kevin’s parents, and they had a big meeting with them. Mr. Snider told me that at first his mother and father were very angry at Kevin, and then Mr. Snider and Mrs. Brenner started questioning them. It turns out that Kevin does do some very important things. Besides taking care of his little brother, who’s five, he grocery shops for the family, and even calls plumbers and other repair people when something needs fixing around the house… “‘You’re kidding!’ said Katie. Her mouth hung open in awe. ‘Why does he have to do all those things?’ “Christie shrugged. ‘His parents work a lot and depend on him to take care of things. The first time he called me, he said he made things happen that are really important. I guess that’s what he meant.’ She shook the ice in her glass and drank the last of her cola. ‘His parents both have big careers, and they hadn’t realized that all Kevin was doing was going to school and then going home to watch his brother and take care of the house. He hasn’t been able to do anything else at school or go over to other kids’ houses in the evening.’” (110-111) In Kevin’s modern, liberated household, career comes first for both parents, and no one can stay home to care for the household or their younger child. Kevin can take care of that, right? It’s not stressed—Kevin’s last name Walker-Noles isn’t mentioned after he gets caught—but hardly a mistake that one of those unfortunate sons walking around with a hyphenated family name was the one who felt he needed to act out to get any attention. It’s important to note that Haynes herself didn’t choose this path. As the About the Author note in the back of every Fabulous Five title notes, “Betsy Haynes, the daughter of a former newswoman, began scribbling poetry and short stories as soon as she learned to write. A serious writing career, however, had to wait until after her marriage and the arrival of her two children. But that early practice must have paid off, for within three months Mrs. Haynes had sold her first story.” Very nice to read. I can only hope some of the young girls who perused these delightful serial stories imbibed this important lesson and set their priorities straight in their adult lives. #BetsyHaynes #TheHotLineEmergency #FabulousFive #mystery #arson #crime #actingout #hyphenatednames #feminism #feminist #antifeminism #antifeminist #egalitarianism #family #careerism #career #parenting #parents #TopGun #NES #childrensliterature #childrensbooks #literature #books

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