Charles Synyard (@CharlesSynyard)

“Katie had listened patiently, but now she sighed and said, ‘Honestly, Melanie, you know it isn’t fair to string Scott along if you really like Shane.’ ”‘I know it isn’t,’ said Melanie, ‘but Scott’s been my boyfriend for a long time. I can’t just tell him to get lost.’ “Katie snorted. ‘You don’t have to say it that way.’ “‘But how do I say it?” Melanie pleaded. ‘I rehearsed everything before I went to sleep last night, and nothing works. “Scott, I really like you a lot, but I don’t want to go out with you. Can’t we just be friends?” YUCK! “You have a terrific personality, Scott, but I’d rather go out with Shane.” No way! See, Katie? Any way I say it is going to hurt his feelings.’ “‘But you’ve got to say it, even if it does hurt his feelings,‘ Katie insisted. ‘Otherwise, the mess you’re in is just going to get bigger and bigger.’” (35-36) Melanie, finally ready to decide on a boy? But that’s just her problem here. Finished Melanie’s Valentine, the February 1991 twenty-second book in the Fabulous Five series by Betsy Haynes—which would’ve been on the shelves just in time for readers seeking a St. Valentine’s Day treat. As you can see, Melanie also has her Grandma Dee, visiting from Florida, to deal with, though unlike the cover might relatably suggest, embarrassment is the least of her worries. But really yes! Used to juggling three guys, and having almost starting a mononucleosis epidemic in the seventh book (The Kissing Disaster) by smooching two of them on the same day, Melanie Edwards‘s heart is finally beating true for just one boy! Briefly recounting Melanie’s humorous, superstitious subplot in the last book, Jana to the Rescue (3), she and Shane Arrington have their long-awaited date! Looked forward to since before winter break, they attend a Wakeman basketball game together, but the night is almost spoiled by who else, the beautiful Laura McCall, leader of the Fantastic Foursome, tonight working the concessions stand and flirting with Shane (7). Upsetting? Shane also spots Melanie running into her longtime boyfriend Scott Daly, and he takes that to be flirting, too. They’re cold to each other until the ride home, but finally make their feelings clear, and kiss (14)! Finally, everything’s going swimmingly. As Melanie reflects, “Being Scott’s girlfriend had been so much fun, and she had continued to like him even after she and her class entered Wakeman Junior High. But then she had met cool, laid-back Shane Arrington. And eighth-grader Garrett Boldt, the photographer for the yearbook, who sometimes let her be his assistant. She had even been interested in Derek Travelstead for a while. But gradually her crush on Shane had grown until she hardly thought about any boy but him.” (63) However, since it’s Shane Arrington, and not Scott Daly who won out, she’ll eventually have to break it to Scott that, after having gone out since the sixth grade, they’re not an item anymore. Especially since the Bumpers Valentine party is coming up! Melanie’s efforts to “duck” Scott, and avoid ever telling him she wants to be with Shane now, do get kinda tedious. Yes, it is hard to hurt someone you like’s feelings, but Katie Shannon is so obviously right (and the rest of the Fabulous Five back her up) that it gets hard to sympathize when Melanie drags things out, and puts off heeding her friend’s good advice. Something to note in passing: for some reason Haynes has all the characters say Valentine instead of the possessive, Valentine’s, which is what people usually say. Some kind of secularization? Cover artist Andrew Bacha remembers the apostrophe on Bumpers’, but makes Valentines a simple plural on the sign inside the restaurant. Odd choices. Meanwhile, Melanie’s Grandma Dee coming over for a month, and she’s not content to sit in her rocker and knit. As Melanie tells it to Shane, ”she’s not like all those retired people who live in Florida. She’s really neat. She does fun things like waterskiing and scuba diving. Last month she wrote me that she’d been parasailing!” (5) Hitting Bumpers with Melanie, Grandma Dee meets Jana, Beth, Katie, and Christie, and starts bragging. “Melanie made the introductions and then listened while Grandma Dee told another big story about scuba diving in the Gulf of Mexico and coming nose to nose with a dolphin. Her friends were hanging onto every word, and it was obvious that they were enjoying it.” (32-33) She even shadows Melanie at school for part of a day, and continues recounting her putative adventures in Wakeman’s cafeteria! ”Melanie sighed, wondering if her grandmother ever ran out of stories about her adventures. So far, in addition to parasailing, she had told everyone about scuba diving, deep-sea fishing, and, now, going to the Daytona 500. At least she didn’t race one of the cars, Melanie mused.” (47) She doesn’t even want to be called Grandma. Just call her Dee, she insists! Cue an eyeroll. Maybe this was more remarkable in 1991, but 35 years later, as all the Baby Boomers continue refusing to act their ages, it hardly even seems strange to have Melanie’s paternal granny living a fast life. But, it’s all a lie! Grandma Dee breaks character, and acts her age, when she meets Shane in Bumpers, and goes full Karen, harping to the manager on him because he brought Igor, his pet iguana, into the restaurant. She quickly gets to dislike Shane (and see Scott as Melanie’s boyfriend). But she goes right back to acting “with it”. But later, “Dee” twists her ankle trying to ice skate, and when she’s laid up at the Edwards’s home, Melanie catches her using her trademark sunglasses to read with. Yep, she’s “blind as a bat”, and tacitly acknowledges the scuba diving, parasailing, ice skating, etc., all lies (104-105). Why? She wanted Melanie and her friends to think she was cool, not just another boring older relative it was a chore to be around. So, like her granddaughter, she has a problem with being honest, and pays the price after hitting the frozen pond after not skating since she was young. There isn’t much else to tell about how the dual dilemmas get resolved. Grandma Dee, thankfully, is involved in protecting endangered wildlife, which counts her as cool, and she gets to like Shane, and Igor, better on giving them a chance. But, even humbled and more honest, she is still a vivacious grandma. She goes to the Bumpers’ Valentines Dance with Melanie, and makes quite the scene. “Suddenly Keith broke out in a big grin and pointed to the dance floor. ‘Hey, Mel. Get a load of that.’ “Melanie whirled around. The music was blaring a fast song, and right in the middle of the floor was Grandma Dee dancing with Scott Daly. She was bouncing up and down to the music, with her sunglasses bobbing on her nose. She looked as if she was having a terrific time, and the kids around the edge of the dance floor were clapping in time with the music. “‘Wow! She’s pretty good,’ said Shane. “Melanie burst out laughing. ‘I guess there are still a few things she can do like a kid,’ she said, and she and Shane rushed to join her grandmother and Scott on the floor.” (116-117) It’s a good thing Grandma Dee showed up, cause otherwise I guess Scott would have been out a date! Was imagining her dancing to “Sandstorm”, but checked, that came out in 1999. So, the cover scene actually takes place at the very end, when the drama’s all been resolved, just before the teaser chapter for the next book. Throughout, I could only reflect, Melanie was a lot less embarrassed than I would have been had a grandparent inserted herself into my teen social life! She gives an example of being cool, patient and unashamed around elders. By now, the initial readers may easily be grandmas themselves, if not white-haired, and can ID with the elder character. So? Are you acting your age? Or going parasailing, scuba diving, and dancing at middle school hangouts to stay hip? #BetsyHaynes #MelaniesValentine #FabulousFive #AndrewBacha #lovetriangle #romance #love #StValentinesDay #ValentinesDay #Valentines #grandparents #lying #honesty #childrensliterature #childrensbooks #literature #books