Matthew Moulton (@Onideus)

There seems to be something wrong with people's perception... or mine works differently. Let's see, how do I explain this... uh... you understand that when a person says they want to kill themselves, sometimes they're being serious and sometimes they're just saying that to try and control things they can't otherwise control, usually because they can't control themselves. Self-control issues. Do you... do you not see that? I mean you say "would-be killer", but like I pointed out the other day... https://gab.com/Onideus/posts/116951962936740261 Most of the REAL killers I met in jail... they were just you with a REALLY bad day! Emotionally explosive situations. They can occur, just as a matter of unexpected circumstances combined with irrational emotions. In cases of satiation sickness... it's attention whoring or attention controlling. They try to create a fuss to control situations and circumstances. It's not bad. I mean it's actually useful... except when it's being puppeted, when someone is PLAY ACTING. I saw it in fetish communities online. They used to be so tiny, so niche and now... now every fetish is a fad, an easy cash grab, uncanny sexual satiation. It's highly addictive. You don't have a fetish to indulge in it, you have a fetish to avoid it as much as possible as a means of developing this thing you don't have a word for... uh... "habit reversal". The ability to break addictions. That. That's like a muscle in your brain and you can build it like that to make you less prone to poisonous satiation. Reject your fetish as much as possible and addictive shit won't be nearly as addictive. Same with any other form of satiation. Reject the low quality pleasures. Don't eat sweets unless they're BEYOND incredible tasting. The more discernment you add to desire the better off you'll be. Otherwise consuming too much pleasure drives the body to biologically need pain to offset the imbalance. That's dysphoria; pain seeking behavior. It's like "too much birthday", kid throws a tantrum because you don't let them drive the car on their birthday. Birthday, in its most extreme state, to a child, means, "I control creation itself." You're basically telling them that they're god on Earth as a result of a sudden insane spike in the intake of sugar, toys, attention, colors and sounds. The insta-binge causes an insta-purge! This can work in ways that result in literal dead people, real suicides and real murders. How? The opposite. Just as deva vu has a REALLY nasty, uncanny inverse, so too does satiation sickness. You can work and work and work and reject all satiation! To the point where you can reject your own emotions! You can just stop feeling yourself... or at least, you think you are. In reality it's more like you just have your emotional eyes closed. How long can you consciously keep your eyes closed? As long as you want... physiologically. Psychologically... eh heh... well, that's the issue, isn't it? Cause the emotions keep building and building behind your closed perception, creating a sort of heat that can cause a sort of thermal runaway effect in your emotions. Cut off from emotion too much and you just make it explosive! One side needs pain... they want it! And, yeah, sometimes that leads to death... that shouldn't tell you how bad they were, but how badly they were addicted to shit! Because you can become so over-satiated that the "purge cycle" reaches a panic stage and explodes accordingly... or sets fire to shit. One side tries to avoid pleasure, all satiating emotion, leading to ever increasing feelings of bitterness, regret, rejection, ruination, apathy and hatred towards whatever they think 'ruined pleasure' for them. They blame. And the blame becomes irrational because they're not looking at their own emotions with any sense of rationality, because in perception rationality is like eyesight. The better you can reason, the easier you can see! They lose their ability to reason as a result and their emotions are explosively charged to destroy specific targets of imagined abuse of their sense of pleasure. Even though they gouged their own perceptual pleasure centers out of themselves. That kind makes every unconscious excuse to not feel any sense of enjoyment and blames shit for it. That's a more lethal state of abused autonomy. It's much less likely to fuck up in getting what it wants because it's not creating a cry for help, it's creating a blood stain to serve as an emotional knife that they attempt to stab into immortal human perception. They attack emotions themselves. They aren't even interested in physically killing, that's just unfortunate fallout from their perspective. Attacking emotion becomes more important than living creation! It's like trying to attack God because you willing forsook your own autonomy by rejecting temptation entirely. Jesus wasn't BLIND to temptation! He could see it so vividly he saw its spirit in an evil reflection of himself.