Madellene Peñaflor (@Madellene_Penaflor)

12 years of being in the church constantly and I still find myself in a limbo of emotions - there are times I am on fire, at time I feel lost once again. Many times I try to find purpose on places I go, on people I've come to know, or to the lives I help to change, or even on the charities I recently come to support. But all these things are still nothing. We cannot really earned our way to heaven by trying to please God by our self righteousness. It comes as a hard lesson at times. Many times, I still get disappointed and discontented. But what I realize in all these things, it is only God who will truly filled that God shaped vacuum in our hearts. Not until God can work it in our hearts (Phil. 2:13) , we cannot truly work things out. That is why, the joy we sown from earthly things will never last. And this is also the reason why Paul mentioned in the Book of Philippians, whatever he gained, he always count it all as lost , and his only desire is: (Philippians 3:10: )"that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being conformed to his death. I realize that only getting to know the God and Father that we serve can give that everlasting joy this world can't ever give. I know for sure that I will still be sorrowful in many moments, but my hope is that, whenever it gets hard or tiring to fight, I can still find rest in the Lord our Savior who knows me more than I know myself, and who Loves and appreciates me more than I can love and appreciate myself. At this moment, I still have much to work through—temptations to resist, selfish desires to let go of, and aspects of my character to transform. It is still a lot of work for myself, but not until God finally calls me home, this world will always be a constant war between my flesh and my spirit. I need to really be sober minded and be a soldier up for battle everyday. But this is my hope: Heb 11:40 God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect.