Casey Carlisle (@UncleNap)

The Great but Gruesome Tale of Steve Gerling Steve Gerling is not one to turn down a reason to party; he is the party, so it took no prodding at all to get him atop the mechanical bull at T-Post Tavern in Walla Walla, Washington. Steve—60 years old, 225 pounds, and training for a bodybuilding competition—climbed onto the bull on February 17, 2024, and for reasons yours truly will soon explain, he’s somehow still alive. Cinching down as tight as he could on the mechanical monster, Steve locked his thighs and focused his forearms before signaling to the operator—his friend and tavern owner—that he’s ready to rip. But the combination of Steve’s strength and an ill-timed bounce on the bull proved fatal—or at least it should have. The matador had met his match, so he waved the “enough” sign and got off of the bull feeling intense agony without conveying the pain. He and Juliet—his wife—stoically walked to their car and drove home, and witnesses figured that, at most, Steve had pulled a muscle and would be fine in the morning. But Steve’s injuries were far more traumatic than anyone could have ever imagined. Steve began realizing that he wasn’t going to sleep this one off when he noticed that his urine was actually devoid of urine and contained only blood. Now unable to conceal his suffering, Steve arrived at the emergency room yelling and cursing. The medical staff began cutting off his clothes and, in order to prevent erratic movements, strapping him to a hospital bed. Because both of Steve’s iliac arteries had been severed, he was losing more blood than the hospital could provide. 11 units of blood later, Steve was rushed to another hospital about 50 miles away. En route, Steve received four more units of blood, and upon arriving, Steve received another ten units. For those keeping track, yes, Steve lost just shy of three gallons of blood before his arteries were cauterized. The loss of blood alone should have killed Steve, but instead, his condition worsened before it improved. Steve had broken multiple bones—worst of all, an open-book pelvic fracture—and mixed with the massive internal bleeding were the contents of his ruptured bladder. A physician approached Juliet and said that in the unlikely event that her husband survives, he’ll never walk again or be able to be physically intimate. Steve and Juliet later learned that doctors had noted that they had absolutely no faith in Steve’s recovery. But six days after regaining consciousness, Steve has only improved, and today, he’s stronger than he was before the mishap. One doctor told Steve that it was “the worst thing I’ve seen in my entire life,” and he aims to report to a medical journal so that all can learn how to successfully treat someone if they’re ever unfortunate to have a patient like Steve. But how is it possible that Steve is not only alive but walking and thriving? Aside from enjoying a negroni or two or more of anything else gin-based, Steve had and continues to have a relatively clean diet. Prioritizing protein over fats and carbohydrates is what enabled Steve to develop the muscle mass that he attributes to saving his life. Juliet had hoped that this freak accident would also improve the quality of Steve’s jokes, but gains in that department haven’t materialized. Steve’s experience vivifies the somewhat hidden truth that anyone can benefit from resistance training, and WorthFit Gym has been a literal lifesaver for Steve. Whether 17 or 70 years old, there’s only upside to frequenting a serious gym like WorthFit. “But gym memberships and personal trainers are expensive,” the reader might moan. Yes, but just as the best things in life are often the most difficult to achieve, a muscular physique isn’t cheap; it’s an investment—the return on which might be your life.