Charles Synyard (@CharlesSynyard)

3/3 “‘I wish I were smart,’ Richie said loudly as they reached The Fabulous Five. ”’Not me,’ said Clarence, stopping at the end of the table and giving Christie a smart-alecky grin. ‘All those brains are so heavy, you can’t hold your head up straight.’” (20) Clarence Marshall may not be smart, but he speaks more wisely than he knows. One of the big plot threads in The Fabulous Five Minus One, the June 1991 twenty-fifth book in the Fabulous Five series by Betsy Haynes, is Christie Winchell’s high intelligence, and the high expectations her parents, teachers and friends have for her because of it. Christie’s always been the math whiz of the Fabulous Five, and is a regular volunteer for the homework hotline, but just how smart is she? Pages in, her mother tells her the results of the IQ test are in, and she, at thirteen, has an IQ of 152 (6), and the guidance counselor tells her her academic record’s in the 99th percentile. Formidable! It’s no wonder, then, that she’s chosen for PEAK—Pupils Excelling in Ability and Knowledge—a special course for those in at least the 95th percentile (now that sounds like more familiar terrain) are considered for (4). As Fabulous Five leader Jana Morgan puts it, “Our Christie’s a G and T [Gifted and Talented] and will be asked to join, for sure,” (5). Yet, Christie isn’t always as proud of her mental acumen as her family and friends. As Mr. and Mrs. Winchell praise her, she replies flatly, “I don‘t like being different,” (7). Later, when her mother enumerates the chance of going to Oxford or Cambridge as a benefits of moving to London, Christie floats a humbler possibility. “‘I don’t have to go to a fancy private college,’ Christie responded, squeezing her hands into tight fists behind her back. ‘I can go to a state school, and it wouldn’t cost nearly as much.‘ She could see in her mother’s eyes that that wasn't what she wanted to hear. ”’Christie, honey, you’re a brilliant young lady. It would be a shame to let those brains of yours go to waste. With the right education, you can do some super things. I’d hate to think that your father and I hadn’t done our part to help you fulfill your potential.‘“ (46-47) With this weight on her shoulders, or her head itself as Clarence put it, maybe Christie falling for the new boy with “a feeling of energy about him“ (51), more on which above. And on top of loved ones placing a world of hopes in her, the teasing from Wakeman’s flunkies doesn’t help… or does it? A few of the usual retards get tickled at the hoopla about PEAK, and start cracking jokes on the bright kids in the special course. After the first class (taught by Draculean science teacher Mr. Dracovitch, and more hands-on than I’d have expected), “Richie Corrierro, Clarence Marshall, and Joel Murphy were standing in the hallway with their hands behind their backs. Christie was surprised to see Matt Zeboski with them. ”’Teenage mutant ninja brains!’ Richie yelled at them. ”’Yeah,‘ said Joel, assuming a karate pose. ‘We know you’re really superintelligent aliens from outer space and you’ve come to take over Wacko Junior High from us mere earthlings. Well, we won’t let you!’ ”The kids in the PEAK class could only stare at them. “‘We’ll fight you to the death,‘ Matt said, shaking his fist. The corners of his mouth twitched as he tried to keep from laughing. ‘Fire, hero students of Wacko!’ he yelled. ‘Protect our school!’ ”The boys raised plastic straws and blew a volley of spit wads at the PEAK kids. A wet glob hit Christie on the forehead. She held up her notebook to shield herself as the boys reloaded their straws.” (66-67) Could only laugh; some friction and hen-pecking is natural between the 95th and 5th percentiles. Would I have minded then? Unfortunately it bothers Christie, and she brings it up with the Fabulous Five. After dramatic Beth Barry imagining a space-operatic all-out spitball battle, Jana offers an idea Katie Shannon elaborates for her. “‘How about calling them the PUKES?‘ asked Jana. ‘It fits them.’ “Christie raised her eyebrows. ‘What does PUKES stand for?‘ “‘Let me think. What about... uh... People U Kan’t Even Stand?” asked Katie. ”’I love it!’ exclaimed Christie. ‘Even using the letter U for the word you and spelling can't with a k is dumb, like something they’d do.’ ”’The problem is they’ll never figure out that the words are misspelled,’ said Beth, laughing.” (74) And with that exchange, you realize why Haynes called the gifted and talented program PEAK: now it‘s the PEAKs vs. the PUKES! The Fabulous Five Minus One is dedicated to Ellen Compton; does she mean the haiku poet, and was this the advice she is thanked for? However, the clowns not only notice the orthography issue (98), they take a liking to their new acronym! A few days later in Wacko students’ favorite hangout Bumpers, “Richie, Clarence, Joel, and Matt stepped into the center of the room. They were wearing ugly green T-shirts with the word PUKES printed on the front in black. ”’Where are the PEAKs! Where are the PEAKs!’ they shouted.” (111) Curtis Trowbridge, the brainiac who got his start as the ”nerd of the world” with a bothersome crush on Jana at Mark Twain in the Taffy Sinclair books, but now has an equally bright girlfriend who went to another elementary school, was ready for them and raring for a showdown: he had t-shirts saying PEAKS AND PROUD OF IT printed and passed them out, and tells the PEAKs to don them. But Christie refuses, and lets slip her impending move. ”‘I am proud to be in the PEAK class, but I’m not going to put on the T-shirt,‘ said Christie. ‘I’m not going to be at Wakeman much longer, and I don’t intend to spend any of the time I have left in silly arguments. This whole thing is ridiculous, anyway.’” Richie misses what she said, but Clarence completely changes his tone. ”’Wait a minute!’ said Clarence, sticking out his hand to stop Richie. Even though they had never been close friends, Clarence and Christie had known each other most of their lives. They had gone to Mark Twain Elementary together, although he had spent most of his time getting in trouble, while she had been a model student. ”’What did you say, Christie?’ Clarence asked, looking at Christie closely. ‘The part about not being at Wakeman much longer?’ ”’She’s moving,’ said Melinda. ‘To London.’ ”Clarence looked surprised. ‘To London? How come? When?’ ”’My dad has a new job there,’ answered Christie. ‘We’re moving between semesters.’ ”Clarence stared at her. ‘Jeez!‘ he said. Then he said it again. To Christie’s amazement, Clarence pulled off his T-shirt. He frowned at Richie, Joel, and Matt, and they quickly did the same. “‘I didn’t know you were moving,’ Clarence said to Christie. He seemed to genuinely care.” (112-113) Moving passage, showing that who’s most mature isn’t always who’s most serious in class. Clarence goofs off in book after book, and doesn’t even have a crush on Christie or anything, but when he learns she won’t be around soon, he misses her already. Whether the kids at Wakeman Junior High get straight As or are proudly dummies, they are all part of the community, and should feel for one another. Like, I think, a lot of making fun of in school, Clarence isn’t doing it out of malice, but because he thinks it’s funny, and he wants to give everyone a laugh as best he can. Mr. Dracovich had encouraged Christie after one PEAK class, telling her he thought the students in the program could go on to do things as great as Christopher Columbus or Sally Ride. He also encouraged her ahead of her move to England, pointing out that as her surname Winchell is English, maybe she can trace where her ancestors lived. But I wonder if Christie’s issues with her advanced placement, and the demand that she place studying first, have been resolved. This moment of unexpected kindness underscores that in the end, her brains aren’t what define her, it’s her family, friends, and with them, the whole Wakeman and hometown community. She should consider their interests and desires as she pursues her own. Mr. Dracovich had encouraged Christie after one PEAK class, telling her he thought the students in the program could go on to do things as great as Christopher Columbus or Sally Ride. He also encouraged her ahead of her move to England, pointing out that as her surname Winchell is English, maybe she can trace where her ancestors lived. But I wonder if Christie’s issues with her advanced placement, and the demand that she place studying first, have been resolved. This moment of unexpected kindness underscores that in the end, her brains aren’t what define her, it’s her family, friends, and with them, the whole Wakeman and hometown community. She should consider their interests and desires as she pursues her own. Will all be best served by going to elite school years into her twenties, or settling down to an exciting romance with—yes—Chase Collins? #BetsyHaynes #TheFabulousFiveMinusOne #FabulousFive #intelligence #IQ #teasing #bullying #moving #friendship #community #childrensliterature #childrensbooks #literature #books